Three Myths About Counseling (and the Truth Behind Them)
Hello to anyone who’s curious about using counseling (aka therapy) as a means of support through a tough season of life! I’m Lynnette, a licensed professional counselor in Nashville, TN, and I’m writing today to help clear up a few of the misconceptions I’ve heard folks name even this month about counseling. For a broader guide, you may want to check out my previous post that is a guide to finding the right counselor in Nashville, TN.
At the outset, I’d like to offer a definition from the American Counseling Association (ACA), the world’s largest association of professional counselors that advocates, provides educational opportunities, and sets ethical standards for the counseling profession as a whole. The ACA defines counseling as a "professional relationship that empowers diverse individuals, families, and groups to accomplish mental health, wellness, education, and career goals." This broad definition highlights an empowerment-focused approach not only for the treatment of mental disorders but also for improving overall wellness.
With that in mind, let’s turn to the myths.
Myth #1 – You Have to Be in Crisis to Go to Counseling
A lot of people assume that to go to counseling you have to be in crisis, or at least really sick. To quote Taylor Swift: “what a shame she’s f**ked in the head, they said.” While a crisis is certainly a good reason for therapy (!), it’s not the only one. I learned early in my career that while some folks do come for help with a major problem or crisis, others show up because they’re interested in personal growth. These reasons aren’t mutually exclusive, of course, and sometimes folks who show up for one experience the other.
I once had a loved one who was wrestling with a particularly difficult phase of life that had brought her unexpected challenges and questions of purpose. She had lots of social support and kept busy with responsibilities and meaningful activities, but she seemed to be having a hard time finding a place of belonging in her new and unwanted circumstance. She felt sad and discouraged, and I noticed a new tendency for her to speak about herself in negative terms. When I suggested she seek counseling for some additional support, she quickly replied, “I don’t need a therapist!” I smiled. “I know you don’t need a therapist, but you might want one. You can get by without, but they might be helpful to you and make it a little easier to carry the load.”
The same is true for you and me. There are times when counseling may truly be necessary to restore everyday functioning, for example, if you’re not eating, or sleeping, or find yourself unable to get out of bed and do your everyday tasks and responsibilities, or if you can do these things but you’re consumed with panic all day (i.e. symptoms of anxiety or depression). And, there are times when folks are getting on pretty well but want to sort through concerns with identity (self-worth, issues of gender and/or sexuality, spirituality and purpose), difficulty in relationships (family, parenting, friends, spouse, roommates, coworkers/boss), or challenging life transitions (adolescence to adulthood, loss of a relationship, becoming a parent, moving to a new city). Counseling is for anyone looking for healing, growth, or support!
Myth #2 – Counselors Don’t Do Anything but Listen and Nod
Many operate with the assumption that going to see a counselor is basically like going to talk to a blank wall. They think they may be asked, “How does that make you feel?” but won’t get anything else. They sense the whole thing will feel sterile and stilted. They suggest it’s nothing more than venting or complaining. The truth is that good therapy is a collaborative, active process built on trust and empathy. It should feel like an actual relationship because that’s what it is! A real relationship that exists somewhat outside the realm of your everyday life solely for the purpose of helping you grow.
I personally take a bit of a backwards approach to the whole thing, believing that slow is fast and less is more. My training has at its core a paradoxical theory of change, suggesting that we change by becoming most fully who we are. As a counselor, my task in session is to offer my attention and care, combined with my therapeutic skill and knowledge, and I ask clients to play an active role in their own process by being present and curious and willing to experiment. Together we consider new ideas, sit with feelings, and practice new behaviors. It’s kind of like a learning lab! We take on challenging emotions like sadness, fear, anger, and guilt. We tend to body process and breath, and find ways to come to the present moment. We play around with concrete strategies for getting unstuck, and we try on self-compassion, self- and systems-understanding, and relational skills.
Myth #3 – AI is Just as Good at Therapy as a Therapist Is
AI has exploded onto the scene, with more and more uses every day. Within the next several years, it seems likely to change nearly every aspect of life. One of the things I’m hearing more and more these days is that people are using chatgpt (and other forms of AI) for therapy. I’m a firm believer that technology has its good uses (Thank you, spellcheck and grammar! And thank you, adaptive cruise control, for adjusting to the car in front of me on the highway!). But it also has its limits. Studies have shown that students who use AI to write their papers for school are stunting parts of their developing brains, limiting their ability to write and to think critically, a necessary skill for life. Technology companies have had terrible breaches of privacy with all of our data in nearly every realm they’ve entered.
And, we know in our depths there’s something radically different about sitting in a room (or even on a computer screen) with an actual human being, as compared to talking to a bot. Though today’s language learning models seem light years ahead of the fake typing noises and robotic voices we’ve heard on hold waiting for a customer service agent who themselves have a rigid script to follow (“I can understand why that concern would be frustrating to you”), they’re not the same as a living, breathing being whose nervous system can attune to yours, who can offer you a genuine response to the tears in your eyes in real time, and who can offer you more than empty praise for how great you are (even though truly, you are!) or a constant stream of “would you like me to … “ simply to have you spend more time engaging on the platform. There’s something different about looking someone in the eye, feeling their energy with you, trusting they are keeping your best interest front and center, holding you accountable, and helping you to grow.
We know from research that one of the most important factors that leads to a good therapy outcome is the relationship you have with your therapist. In fact, my approach to therapy holds that the relationship itself is an experiment, often a corrective experience. The relationship is what’s healing. AI has its uses, maybe even as an adjunct to therapy, but it’s certainly not a replacement for an actual relationship.
Take the Next Step toward Counseling
Are there other myths about counseling you’ve heard, or other questions you’ve got? You can bring these to an initial consultation with any therapist you’re considering, so you can get the information you need to proceed. Additionally, you can check out my FAQ page to hear more from me.
If you’re looking for counseling in Nashville or online in Tennessee, I’d love to connect. Whether facing a major life storm or looking to explore a part of you that’s taken a back seat for some time, a collaborative, experimental counseling process might be just the support you need. You can find me here.
Lynnette Hope, LPC-MHSP, provides counseling in Nashville to help women who feel overwhelmed and off-balance find ease, clarity, and connection. She spent the first five years of her counseling career at a university counseling center, and since 2013 has been a self-employed owner of a solo counseling practice. She specializes in anxiety therapy, midlife growth and empowerment, and young adults and college/graduate students. You can learn more about her work here.