I recently wrote a field note about an experiment that emerged during a therapy session. In the midst of the usual back-and-forth conversation with a client, I became aware of an urge to get out of my chair and lie down in response to what and how we were exploring. I described this urge to her and asked if she was interested in joining me on the floor, virtually, since we were each on screens. She said yes, and we did so together, lingering on the ground simply to be with ourselves and each other.
Gestalt therapy is an experiential, relational therapy that emphasizes here-and-now awareness. In this approach, we are less interested in why we think, feel, and act as we do, and more interested in how we experience ourselves and our world(s). We get curious about what’s happening in our bodies as we’re telling or listening to a story. We pay attention to our breath, our posture, the tension (or numbness, etc.) we find throughout. We name the thoughts and feelings, the wants that emerge. And we pay attention to the in-between—what happens between us as we are with the other.
In order to do these things well, we generally have to slow down. In session I might invite a client to stay longer with a sensation they usually quickly move past. A client might get curious about a familiar phrase or gesture and repeat it a few times to notice what happens. We might try together a different way of sitting or moving, reporting out to one another what happens as we do this. There’s no advance planning, and there’s no predetermined outcome. We simply work with whatever is, right here and now in the moment, and let the experiment and awareness emerge from our curiosity, care, attention, and interest. Working in this way makes space for us to see the patterns we’ve developed, the ways in which we stop or support ourselves.
An idea foundational to Gestalt therapy is the paradoxical theory of change, in which Arnold Beisser proposes that change occurs when we become more fully what or who we are, rather than when we try to become what or who we are not. This sounds backwards at first because many clients (and I could include myself in this) show up for therapy far more interested in change than in staying the same. Many have spent years trying to force or think themselves different, sometimes working so hard to try and change their experience that they don’t notice what their experience actually is. Not all the way.
Instead of immediately trying to change what we think and what we feel and what we do, however, the paradoxical way is to stay with ourselves exactly as we are and pay attention to what is. In my experience, the more we become curious about how we participate in the patterns that shape our lives, the more we become aware of the impact those patterns have on us and others, and the more we discover possibilities we could not previously see. One way to stay and pay attention is simply to do no thing at all.
If you’re interested, you can read more about my experience of this experiment in my field note, Do No Thing: On Rest, Permission, and the Practice of Being on my Substack, A(t)tending to Wonder.
For now, I wish you moments simply to be with yourself as you are, paying attention to whatever is.
If you’re curious about counseling, I’d be honored to connect with you. I work with women who feel overwhelmed and off-balance, offering a compassionate, steady presence and joining as a collaborator to help you stay with what’s emerging in the moment and get curious about the deeper layers of your experience. Together, we experiment with small, meaningful changes that lead to different ways of being and moving through the world. My specialties include anxiety therapy, midlife growth and empowerment, and young adults and college/graduate students. You can contact me here.
Note: This blog is for educational and reflective purposes and does not constitute psychotherapy.