From It to I: The Small Shifts That Bring Us Closer
One of the classes in my counseling program was about how to effectively facilitate group therapy, and I found it eye-opening in a number of ways. For today I’ll simply note that it’s among the first places I learned one of the most basic counseling interventions: making an I statement.
An I statement was new to me then, and I’m still struck by how often it’s new to the folks I sit with in therapy. When I hear an it that sounds like an I, I’ll sometimes ask, “Can I play with your words?” and suggest a small edit. It’s frustrating becomes I’m frustrated. It’s sad becomes I’m sad. The scale of the change seems small, but the shift can bring us surprisingly closer to ourselves.
This week I caught myself making that exact edit to my own words. I started writing my latest field note and drafted the sentence, “[I] made myself give it the space it needs.” I noticed the its, and tried on an edit: “[I] made myself give me the space I need.” That small shift, born of focused attention, moved me deeper into my emotions, and my curiosity about that process became the direction for the note as a whole. (You can read more here: Simple Starts and Small Shifts: On Writer’s Block and I.)
My training in Gestalt therapy has taught me to pay close attention to the ways my clients and I make contact with our lived experience. Rather than talking about it from a distance, we can talk about i up close. We can notice what I feel, what I want, what I need, and what is happening in me and between us right now. This is admittedly a more vulnerable place to be, but given the right conditions, it can also be tender and serve as a support to generate the kind of change we hope to experience.
If you’re curious about counseling, I’d be honored to connect with you. I work with women who feel overwhelmed and off-balance, offering a compassionate, steady presence and joining as a collaborator to help you stay with what’s emerging in the moment and get curious about the deeper layers of your experience. Together, we experiment with small, meaningful changes that lead to different ways of being and moving through the world. My specialties include anxiety therapy, midlife growth and empowerment, and young adults and college/graduate students. You can contact me here.
Note: This blog is for educational and reflective purposes and does not constitute psychotherapy.